Civility requires that we reduce the psychological distance between ourselves and others. We need to develop a sense of commonality with people who initially strike us as very different from ourselves. One important means of doing this is by cultivating empathy.
“Empathy” literally means “in-feeling” — it is to project myself into another person’s feelings so that I begin to understand what it is like to have his experiences. If I want to gain empathy for a neighbor who is consistently defensive and insulting, I can try to imagine what it is like to be torn by the hurts and fears that give rise to his antisocial behavior. In doing so I may find links between his inner life and my own; or I may use my imagination to explore feeling that I myself have never experienced directly.
Obviously, we cannot develop empathy toward each of our fellow citizens on a one-to-one basis. But we can cultivate empathic sensitivies toward people in general by concentrating on some of our commonalities.
I’m highlighting the need for empathy here because I believe that the enlargement of our empathic sensitivities is an important part of becoming more human. When we break out of the bonds of self-centeredness, entering into the experiences of other people, we come closer to fulfilling God’s puposes for human beings. and we become more Christlike, since the incarnation is the ultimate ministry of empathy: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15).
Empathy is good for our character development, but that is not its only value. It is also important for our evangelistic efforts. Christian groups that empahsize the need for “relational evangelism” recognize this point. They know that forming genuine friendship with unbelievers — so that we enter into their lives in order to learn about their uniquely individual hopes and fears — establishes a healthy basis for introducing them to the person and the work of the Savior.
The quest for empathy can be helped along by a good dose of curiosity. . . . — Richard J. Mouw, Uncommon Decency: Christian Civility in an Uncivil World (Revised and Expanded, InterVarsity Press, 2010), 58-59.
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