The Art of Learning Wisdom from Mentors

Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out. — Proverbs 20:5, KJV

Even if you have good mentors, learning wisdom from them is a skill. It’s an art that takes a lifetime, and I certainly haven’t mastered it. But the wisest people I know do several things. They ask good questions, they observe carefully, and they follow up with those from whom they’ve learned. Here are some thoughts on applying these patterns in your grad school mentoring relationships:

Question Mark

Finding and asking good questions. What kinds of questions have you found it helpful to ask?

1.     Finding good questions

It seems obvious that asking good questions is one of the keys to getting sound advice. But sometimes in graduate school I felt that I didn’t even know which questions to ask. Over time I found that it was helpful to ask questions raised by a specific project, questions raised by my own life, and questions raised by things a mentor does particularly well. I also found it helpful to have a general question or two that I asked a wide variety of people.

If you want to spend some time with a mentor figure but you’re not sure how to begin, scheduling a visit to her office with questions about a specific project is often a great start. It gives you something definite to talk about, it’s likely to be very useful, and it generates some clear questions. You can ask what you should be reading, what theoretical frameworks might be helpful, and who else might have advice on the topic. More generally, you can ask how your mentor would approach a similar project. One thing I wish I’d asked more often is, “What is your research process for writing a seminar paper/dissertation chapter/book chapter/etc.?” Comparing the different ways that people tackle their research is really helpful in sorting out how you want to approach your own.

Questions raised by your own current experience are good starting points for mentoring conversations as well, especially as you get to know a mentor better and know which questions he’ll have thoughts on. If you’re working to manage teaching and dissertation writing at the same time, you can ask your advisor how he balances work on his second book with teaching undergraduate courses. If you’ll be a TA for a study abroad, you can ask a member of your department who regularly leads them what you should know about the process.

Paying attention to things a mentor does well can also lead you to good questions. If one of your mentors does a spectacular job of keeping students interested in large survey courses, you can ask how she became so good at it. If another mentor excels at putting together conferences, you can ask what makes a conference panel successful. It’s nice to recognize what someone is doing well, and often that person will be able to give you a lot of ideas that will help when you have to teach a large survey course or plan a conference.

Another way to start good conversations with mentors is to have a question that you ask most people, if the opportunity arises. I noticed that a friend of mine usually had a question that he asked a variety of people. The questions changed depending on what he was thinking about, but he usually stuck with one for a while. It struck me as a good idea, so I often have a question tucked away as well. Frequently it’s related to something I’m studying or a project I’m trying to do. For me, the questions have varied widely. They included: “Have you ever convinced someone of something important by argument?” “What makes a good novel?” “What makes a friendship last?” and “What are you looking for in a conversation?” Of course, whether this is helpful in a mentoring relationship depends a bit on the individual situation. If you’ve come to ask a prominent chemistry professor about your latest experiment, you may not want to ask a question that broad. But it’s handy to have a few more general questions in mind if you’re helping your humanities mentor escort a visiting poet around campus or making small talk with professors you respect after an interdisciplinary conference.

What kinds of questions have you found it helpful to ask?

Binoculars

Binoculars to represent observation. What have you learned from your mentors by observation? What qualities or habits have you observed? How has being around your mentors changed you?

2. Observing

Some of the best things you can learn from a mentor may come not so much from what they say in conversation but from what they do. If a professor has a knack for making new students feel welcome, or a way of making course material profoundly engaging, or a talent for organizing a paper, it’s possible that he won’t even know he’s doing it. Even if he does, he may not feel it necessary to explain how he does it. But you may learn it from him just by watching.

When I was working on my Master’s degree, I had a professor who was adept in the art of patient listening. She could ask an opening question and then wait for a half hour of seminar before saying anything more. Her silence was an active participation. It invited students to speak and to explore further. When my teacher did say something, it was clear that she had been listening to everything and thinking about the best way to sum it up and advance the conversation. I have a long way to go in learning that skill, but observing her shaped in me a desire to become an attentive listener as well. Over time, I have realized more and more deeply how much knowing her transformed me. The kind of teacher I want to be changed when I met her, irrevocably and for the better. While she did sometimes talk with me about teaching outside the classroom, her example shaped me in a way that advice alone could not have done.

What have you learned from your mentors by observation? What qualities or habits have you observed? How has being around your mentors changed you?

Mail

Mail to represent following up. How do you follow up with mentors? Do you have any stories of how mentoring shaped your work and life over time?

3. Following up

I often look at mentoring through the lens of narrative: a mentor is listening to my stories and helping me to make sense of them. He or she is also helping to shape them by helping me understand the other characters involved and suggesting courses of action. I want my mentors to see the ways that their input has shaped my story, so I try to keep them posted on areas where their advice has helped me. Sometimes this takes the form of a short note or a comment in our next meeting. Other times, especially when I’ve noticed a helpful long-term pattern emerging because of something a mentor said, I try to tell the person about it face-to-face or write a hard copy thank you letter. It’s really encouraging to a mentor to hear that someone has taken their advice, and it’s exciting to see that advice becoming fleshed out in someone’s actions.

Another exciting thing sometimes happens when following up takes the form of a continued conversation over months or years. With one mentor, I’ve been talking about the tension between adventure and homecoming for nearly a decade now. We don’t talk about it every time we meet, but over the years it keeps coming up, and the conversation deepens as our experience grows over the year. It’s a conversation rooted in both the practical and the philosophical. We discuss both the Odyssey and our own experience of living in the same place or moving elsewhere. Having a few conversations with this sort of longevity is a great gift, one I’m more open to receiving when I’m looking for it.

How do you follow up with mentors? Do you have any stories of how mentoring shaped your work and life over time? Developing wisdom is a lifelong challenge, but finding and listening to good mentors will take you far in becoming wise. In my next post, I’ll turn to the art of maintaining relationships with mentors.

Also in this series (7/18/2012 update): Finding Mentors as an Undergraduate, Finding Mentors Who Share Your Faith, The Art of Being MentoredThe Art of Maintaining Mentoring Relationships.

Update: 7/12/2012, 7:30 AM.

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hannaheagleson@gmail.com'

Hannah Eagleson

Hannah Eagleson is a writer/editor on staff with InterVarsity’s Emerging Scholars Network (ESN). She edits ESN's collaboratively written devotional for academics. Hannah also crafts other community-building events and materials for ESN. She holds a PhD in English literature, and she’s working on a novel about a dragon who gave up fending off knights to become a tea importer in eighteenth-century England.

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3 Comments

  • kle.seaton@gmail.com'
    Kelly commented on July 5, 2012 Reply

    Hannah – this is great! I particularly like the part about observing – I think that sometimes not asking so many “how do you do it” questions and just observing can yield the most fruitful insights. Thanks also for the reminder to follow-up over the course of several years. This can be challenging to accomplish, but is great for both the mentor and the mentee.

  • heatherashe@gmail.com'
    Heather commented on July 24, 2012 Reply

    Hannah, I’ve been meaning to get to these articles for the last couple of weeks, now reading them in succession. Such good ideas here! I’m not in graduate school, maybe never will be, but these things apply to so many arenas of life from staying at home with children to pursuing careers. Thanks for writing. I’m going to be thinking about these things and incorporating them into my life. Ask, Observe, Follow-up. Good stuff.

    One of my favorite set of questions to ask people is what they love about their job and what they find most challenging about it.

    Thanks!

  • hannaheag@comcast.net'
    Hannah commented on July 25, 2012 Reply

    Hi Kelly and Heather,

    Thanks so much for your kind comments! Kelly, I’m glad to hear your experience of observing mentors has been so fruitful. It’s great to hear your thoughts! Heather, it’s really nice to hear that these thoughts apply beyond graduate school. I always hope that what I say about academic life will have broader applicability, so it’s nice to know when it does. Thanks for the great questions, also!

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